


You Broke My Window and Stole My Heart

by t_dragon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A whole mess and a half, Attempt at Humor, Breaking and Entering whilst drunk, Dildos, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Sexual Humor, Tumblr Prompt, Unconventional use of dildo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:16:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13510881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_dragon/pseuds/t_dragon
Summary: Jongin is very drunk and missing his puppies, while Kyungsoo is very scared and only armed with a black dildo.Baekhyun is unreachable, and Chanyeol suddenly has two dogs - or does he?





	You Broke My Window and Stole My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> So, a warning, it starts off with an alcohol-induced criminal act (breaking and entering), and there's some inappropriate(?) humor, as well as hangover-stuff that's pretty nasty, but nothing too graphic.  
> Prompt ("You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friend's place and I should call the cops but my cat likes you so????") from writingkaisoo.tumblr.com!

 Jongin was drunk.

 No, scratch that. Jongin was _beyond_ drunk. Jongin was totally smashed, stumbling up and down streets whilst laughing to himself about how he could feel the world spin.

 Apparently, it is a very bad idea to go to a noraebang with your dance crew - especially when you are not confident about your voice and need that liquid courage to let loose. And after you have reached a certain point in your drinking, you really just want to keep drinking.

 Which is why Jongin was currently _so incredibly hammered_ , and if he was a bit more sober he would probably cry over how bad he would feel in the morning. But at the moment, everything was great!

 Maybe he should have stayed over at Sehun’s place like suggested, and snuggled some with Vivi, but Jongin had wanted to go home to his own bed. So he had snuck away as they were trying to find taxis, giggling as he raced down the sidewalk, trying his best to stay upright even as things started to tilt a bit too precariously.

 Thinking of Vivi Jongin began to miss his own puppies, and suddenly felt like seeing some puppies. Looking around, Jongin thought he recognized the neighborhood - was this not where Chanyeol lived?

 Deciding that yes, it was, Jongin set out on a mission to see Toben. He seemed to remember something about Chanyeol being busy with someone today, but it was late, Baekhyun must have gone home already, right?

 Thinking ‘screw it’ (and giggling over how Chanyeol might be doing that to Baekhyun at the moment), Jongin set off towards his goal, mind foggy.

 

~*~

 

 Kyungsoo had been peacefully sleeping, when suddenly, a loud crash was heard, and his dogs began to bark. Being startled upright, Kyungsoo flew out of bed, gripping the giant, black dildo Baekhyun had gifted him as a gag gift once upon a time (“A gag gift for you to gag on!”). It was the closest Kyungsoo had to a weapon, and from how Baekhyun had screeched after being hit with it, it was good enough.

 Carefully, Kyungsoo sneaked out into his living room, towards his door. He noticed that one of his windows were broken, shards of glass lying on the floor…

 As well as a man. A man wriggling beneath Kyungsoo’s two dogs. Well, seemed like the two pups were good guard dogs after all. Kyungsoo had always been a bit suspicious, considering how harmless they seemed, but they always barked at Baek-

 Wait, was that a giggle?

 Kyungsoo dumbly stared at the pile on the floor as another giggle was heard. What the fuck?

 “Ah, two Tobens, how drunk am I?” the man on the floor drawled, laughing a really stupid laugh and flapping his arms. “All the love is mine, Tobennies, your master doesn’t deserve it!”

 Toben? Is that not Baekhyun’s ‘friend’s’ dog?

 Pursing his lips, Kyungsoo lowered the dildo from where he had held it above his head, letting it fall to the side to slap obnoxiously against his thigh. It really did have a sting to it…

 Placing the dildo on the living room table, Kyungsoo went to fetch his phone, before returning to the living room. Pressing his speed dial number for Baekhyun, he held the phone to his ear, waiting as the tone kept ringing loudly.

 When he was sent to the voicemail, Kyungsoo ended the call and tried again. He did this two more times, before giving up and leaving Baekhyun a voicemail.

 “Hey, thanks for answering during your best friend’s crisis, asshole. I think Chanyeol’s friend broke into my house. He seems drunk out of his mind. Do your duty and make Chanyeol come get him. He broke my window.”

 Deeming it good enough, Kyungsoo clicked the call, and looked back at the man lying on his floor. He was breathing so loud, and Kyungsoo realized that he had actually fallen asleep on the cold living room floor, the breeze from outside washing over him. Shooing his dogs away, Kyungsoo sighed and carefully got closer, still not completely trusting that this man would not hurt him.

 Up closer, Kyungsoo had to change his mind, because the man looked more like a boy. He had rather sharp facial features, but lips almost as plush as Kyungsoo’s own, and maybe he could be seen as handsome, but lying knocked out on Kyungsoo’s floor, drooling in his sleep, he did not look like much. All Kyungsoo knew was that this was the friend he had not met that one time he and Baekhyun had somehow ran into Chanyeol and his other friend, Sehun. That had to mean that this was… His name was something on J, but Kyungsoo really could not remember what it was Baekhyun had told him.

 Sighing again, Kyungsoo fetched a blanket and put it over the man, before he got to work dealing with the sharp shards still lying on the floor. He did not want his puppies to step on them, and even though he wanted the boy to clean it all up, it did not seem Kyungsoo would have much luck waking him.

 

~*~

 

 Pain.

 That was all Jongin could feel as he began to regain consciousness. Pain, horrible _pain_.

 Groaning, he tried to somehow get more comfortable, but realized that no matter how much he twisted and turned, nothing helped. It was as if he was lying on a floor or something…

 The smell of fried bacon and scrambled eggs suddenly assaulted his nose, and Jongin groaned again as he tried to force his nausea down. What the hell was going on? Who was in his apartment cooking breakfast? All of his friends knew he hated strong smells after a night of drinking!

 Blinking his eyes open, Jongin slowly realized that the ceiling above him was not familiar. Not at all. Sure, it was white, but it looked nothing like his own did. What the…?

 Screwing his eyes shut, he tried to remember what had happened the night before. Drinking, too much drinking, singing… Then going home, and he had escaped the others… And then he had tried going to Chanyeol’s place because he had wanted to see Toben… Had he succeeded getting there? He did remember seeing Toben, even though it had seemed that there was two Tobens attacking him…

 “Are you awake yet?” a deep, velvety and _very unknown_ voice suddenly asked, and Jongin jerked upright, noticing several things at once.

 One, he was lying on the floor, so it was not that strange that his entire body felt stiff and painful.

 Two, he had no fucking idea where he was.

 Three, a stranger was standing in a kitchen some way away from him, looking judgingly at him through a pair of glasses.

 And four, he was feeling _very_ bad all of a sudden.

 Jongin gave a high-pitched scream that ended with him retching, getting up on all fours and promptly puking his guts out on the blanket that had been covering him, before blacking out.

 

~*~

 

 Kyungsoo had woken up early, still all tense and worried about the boy on the floor - well, worried that the boy would try to murder him in his sleep or something, not worried _about_ the boy. Unable to shake it off and get back to sleep, he had decided to get up and make some breakfast.

 The boy had not moved an inch, and Baekhyun had not called back yet (or showed up), so Kyungsoo had busied himself. And when he was done with breakfast, he had started to hear some groans, suspecting it was the boy starting to wake up.

 And Kyungsoo had called out to him, not meaning to startle the boy so much that he had flown up, screamed, and started to puke. Before Kyungsoo had even been able to do anything other than stare, the boy had collapsed, through some miracle avoiding face-planting into his own puke, but hitting his head on the floor. Well, you cannot have everything, and Kyungsoo would take concussion before a facefull of puke any day.

 Rushing over to the boy’s side, Kyungsoo checked that he was still alive, and put him into recovery position before he dealt with the puke. Thankfully or something, it was all gathered on the blanket, so Kyungsoo managed to get it without too much dripping into his bathroom, throwing the blanket into the bathtub and letting the showerhead run to wash it away as Kyungsoo began to wipe away whatever liquid had managed to escape.

 After transferring the blanket into his washing machine and eradicating every trace of puke, Kyungsoo went back into the living room and checked on the boy again, before going to his kitchen. About to sit down to eat his breakfast, Kyungsoo hesitated, before going over to his living room table and picking up the dildo still there. Back by the table, he put it down within reach, _if_ something would happen.

 After all, Kyungsoo had never experienced a boy breaking into his house, cuddling with his dogs, before passing out, then waking up, screaming, puking, then passing out again. It seemed like really anything could happen, and Kyungsoo was not going to take any chances.

 

~*~

 

 The next time Jongin woke up, he was feeling slightly better. His mouth tasted like shit and there was a new pounding in his head, but the hangover headache and nausea was mostly gone. Most of these symptoms were because of him having puked before blacking out, but Jongin tried not to think too much about that.

 Blinking his eyes open, he saw that he was still on the floor, but this time lying on his side instead. There was something familiar about the way his limbs were arranged - recovery position? Jongin felt oddly touched that the stranger was trying to keep him alive.

 “Please don’t scream and puke again,” that deep and velvety voice said, and if Jongin was any less exhausted, he would shiver. But he was completely drained, so he merely tilted his head slightly, just enough to see the stranger sitting about two meters away.

 Wielding the largest black dildo Jongin had ever seen in his entire life.

 Hyperventilating, Jongin tried to scoot as far back as possible, though his arms did not want to cooperate properly.

 “Please don’t defile me, please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” Jongin rambled, eyes stuck to the dildo, using all of his willpower to make it stay away from him.

 “Hm, what? Oh, _oh!_ Don’t worry, this is for protection!” the stranger exclaimed, and the statement was weird enough for Jongin to look up at him in confusion. “I don’t have a bat or anything, so this is the closest to something to keep intruders out with. It’s not mine really, or well, I guess I _own_ it, but it was a gag gift from my friend! I just keep it close by if somebody breaks into my place!”

 The stranger was actually pretty cute, Jongin had to admit. Large, round eyes, a soft face, and plump lips - he looked adorable. Dangerous and adorable, since he was armed with a giant black dildo, but adorable nonetheless.

 “I broke into your place?” Jongin asked as he forced his mind to focus on the important stuff, horror filling him. “Oh, god, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to, I was looking for my friend’s place-”

 “Chanyeol, right?” the stranger interrupted him, and it was almost enough for Jongin to sit up. But only almost. “You said his dog’s name yesterday when you were being attacked by my dogs. I’m a friend of Baekhyun’s…?”

 “Oh! I know who Baekhyun is!” Jongin said, breathing a sigh of relief as he smiled. At least he was not in a _complete_ stranger’s home…

 

~*~

 

 He was smiling. The intruder was smiling really widely, and Kyungsoo did not like it. He had been staring in fear at the dildo until Kyungsoo had told him it was just a stupid gift. Then he had basically pouted, eyes looking wet, when he had realized he had broken into Kyungsoo’s home.

 And now he was smiling. And it was both cute and handsome, and Kyungsoo did not like it. He did not need cute people breaking into his house, that would most surely end badly.

 “You should probably take a shower,” Kyungsoo said, trying to distract himself.

 Because what could go wrong with sending him into the shower?

 “Oh, right, yeah, I probably should…,” the boy said, and his lovely tanned skin flushing a little. “I must be a total mess… I’m sorry… About breaking in and, well, blacking out and puking and stuff…”

 Kyungsoo put the dildo down next to him, noticing how the boy still eyed it suspiciously, before he got up.

 “Don’t worry about it, just pay me for the window, and we’re good,” Kyungsoo said as he held out his hands for the boy to take.

 Eyes large in horrification, the boy looked towards the broken window.

 “I came in through the _window_?” he breathed, sounding a bit choked. “Holy shit, I’m so sorry!”

 “Boy, stop apologizing,” Kyungsoo demanded, taking the boy’s hand and pulling on him. “Like I said, just pay me for it, and we’re good.”

 “Jongin,” the boy mumbled, pouting again as he let Kyungsoo help him up, grimacing a little as he held his head. “My name’s Jongin.”

  _Right, Jongin, that’s what it was_ , Kyungsoo thought to himself. Well, he had guessed the first letter correctly, after all. That was something!

 But holy shit was the boy, _Jongin_ , tall. His lips were at Kyungsoo’s eye-level, and Kyungsoo _really_ did not need that. No, he needed to focus on something else! ...Or just think about the fact that Jongin puked his guts out a little while ago.

 “Maybe not the best circumstances to meet under, but nice to meet you, Jongin. I’m Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo said as he dragged Jongin towards his bathroom. “There’s towels over there, think there’s a spare toothbrush in there, and I’ll try to find some clothes that’ll fit…”

 Jongin nodded as he stood in the middle of the bathroom, fiddling with his fingers and looking very timid.

 “Alright, I’ll leave you to it, take the time you need,” Kyungsoo said, heading out of the bathroom.

 “Thank you, Kyungsoo,” Jongin mumbled, smiling a little, and Kyungsoo just nodded, before closing the door.

 Inside of his bedroom, Kyungsoo calmly walked over to his bed and sat down. Picking up his pillow, still calmly, he pressed it against his face as hard as he could, before screaming into it.

 After having gotten his frustrations out, Kyungsoo put the pillow in his lap and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Really, why was he feeling so unsettled by the fact that a very handsome boy was currently taking a shower in his house? It was not the first time boys were showering in Kyungsoo’s house, and sure, before they did, he had gotten a handful - if not more - of them, and he had to hold himself back with this particular boy, but still? It was just a _boy_ taking a _shower_ after a seemingly wild night out. Not so bad!

 Immediately, Kyungsoo’s thoughts shifted to _why_ Jongin had gotten so drunk he had broken into a stranger’s home whilst looking for his friend’s place… It did not seem like the boy was terribly weighed down by horrible dilemmas or whatnot - but Kyungsoo had nothing to do with that. Did not mean he was not curious, though…

 Shaking his head and slapping his cheeks a few times, Kyungsoo got to work on getting those clothes sorted. Because Jongin was tall, and Kyungsoo was not, so it would take a miracle and a half to be able to find something that would fit the other. He would probably have to make due with something a bit on the shorter side, but it was either that, or nothing… And Kyungsoo would probably not be able to survive ‘nothing’.

 Digging out the sweatpants he rarely used since they were a bit too long on him, and the biggest hoodie he could find, Kyungsoo made his way back to the bathroom. There was no water running, so he gave a light knock, wondering if Jongin was okay. Maybe he had blacked out again. Hit his head on something, and was now bleeding out on Kyungsoo’s floor.

 Before Kyungsoo had the chance to panic too much, the door was opened, a dripping Jongin showing up. His hair was wet and pulled back from his face, making his features seem even sharper and more handsome. Like a model about to walk down a runway.

 With only a towel wrapped around lean hips, showing off a chiseled abdomen that had Kyungsoo thinking of Greek gods.

 Unable to stop himself, Kyungsoo’s eyes followed a droplet of water running from the hollow between Jongin’s pronounced collarbones, between his firm pecs, and down across sculpted abs. As it dipped into Jongin’s navel and got lost in the light dusting of hair leading down, Kyungsoo swallowed hard.

 And then he noticed the scratches marring the otherwise unblemished skin, and he frowned. Why did they look so good, and why did he wish _he_ had left them there?

 “Uhm…,” Jongin mumbled, and Kyungsoo realized he had been staring quite intently when large hands suddenly tried to cover up naked skin. Glancing up, Kyungsoo saw that Jongin was blushing rather deeply, and he instantly felt bad.

 “I think you injured yourself getting inside,” Kyungsoo said, throat feeling a bit raspy, but he ignored it as he held the clothes out for Jongin to take. “Get dressed and then come to the kitchen, and I’ll take a look at them for you.”

 After making sure Jongin was properly holding on to the clothes, Kyungsoo spun around and marched away, going straight into the kitchen without looking back, because the gods knew he did _not_ need more temptations… He had probably already freaked the boy out and ruined his chances, and now Kyungsoo just had to remember how to breathe properly - or sort of properly long enough for Baekhyun to come and save his ass.

 It did not take long before the soft patter of naked feet was heard against the floor, and Kyungsoo turned to see Jongin hesitantly make his way over, hood over his head and sweater-paws hiding his hands. He looked so young and vulnerable that Kyungsoo felt a thousand times worse over staring before. Could he really not control himself at least a little? To make sure Jongin was not uncomfortable?

 “Sit down, I’ll be right back,” Kyungsoo said, pointing towards a chair, and Jongin timidly did as told.

 Basically power-walking back to the bathroom, Kyungsoo gathered the clothes Jongin had put in a neat little pile (still a pile, though), and stuffed it into his washing machine. Then he got the first aid kit from his cabinet, and hurried back to the kitchen.

 Jongin was still sitting in the chair, but he was smiling softly as he had company - both of Kyungsoo’s dogs were standing up on their hind legs, front paws on Jongin’s thighs, as Jongin was petting both of them.

 “You have really cute dogs,” Jongin said, looking up at Kyungsoo and blasting him with the full radiance of his smile. “What are their names?”

 “Mukmool and Hoochoo,” Kyungsoo answered, proud that his voice did not shake as he pointed at his dogs. Shooing them away for the moment being, Kyungsoo got down on his knees in front of Jongin, feeling a bit shaken as he realized just how compromising the position was. “Uh, terribly sorry about this, but I need you to lift the hoodie…”

 Pink painted Jongin’s cheeks, but he gave a sharp nod and lifted the hoodie, revealing his amazing abs again. There did not seem to be a speck of fat, and Kyungsoo was seriously awed by the obvious dedication going into keeping it that way. You did not get abs like these just by sitting around all day long…

 “I actually have three dogs myself,” Jongin suddenly said, voice a bit faint, and Kyungsoo wondered if he was talking just to distract them. Kyungsoo was thankful for it nonetheless. “Monggu, Jjanggu and Jjangah. That’s actually why I was going to Chanyeol’s place, to see Toben, because I was missing my own pups…”

 Kyungsoo could not help but smile as he drenched some cotton in antiseptics, then began to as gently as possible clean the red welts, but Jongin still jerked and hissed.

 “You broke into my place because you were missing your dogs? That’s oddly adorable…,” Kyungsoo mumbled as he focused on his task, and tried not to be carried away.

 All of a sudden, there was the sound of a door being opened, and Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder to see two men enter, one being his saviour and the other his saviour’s… Friend. Or something.

 Just as Baekhyun’s eyes grew twice in size, lips then pulling into a large grin, Kyungsoo remembered the position he was in.

 “Damn, Soo, last night I get a panicked call about a crisis, and today you’re already feeling the boy up? I feel much worse for him, honestly!” Baekhyun cackled, full of glee.

 “I regret the fucking day I decided to give you a key,” Kyungsoo muttered, also lowkey regretting the day he befriended the asshole. “I cancel calling you, you can go now.”

 “So!” Chanyeol suddenly spoke up, a little too loud as he clapped his hands together, obviously trying to change the subject. “I heard from Sehun that you escaped him last night, Jongin? How did you even end up here?”

 “Uh, I was actually aiming for your house, but…,” Jongin mumbled, giving an awkward, lopsided grin. “Obviously I got it wrong…”

 “Obviously,” Baekhyun snorted with a smirk. “Also, can you pull your shirt down, because it’s kinda distracting? Are you going to the same gym as Chanyeol?”

 “Don’t listen to him, I’m not done yet,” Kyungsoo said, and Jongin nodded, pulling the hoodie up properly again.

 Baekhyun and Chanyeol walked over to the kitchen, crowding behind Kyungsoo as he finished up the cleaning of Jongin’s scratches.

 “Okay, but dude, why do you have scratch marks? How do explain that in a non-sexual way?” Baekhyun exasperatedly asked, and Kyungsoo wondered why his best friend seemed frustrated.

 “I might have crawled in through a broken window…,” Jongin mumbled, and Kyungsoo glanced up just in time to see pink bloom across sharp cheekbones. It was really cute, and Kyungsoo found himself staring for a second or two, before he pulled back and let Jongin drop the hoodie to hide his (yummy) tummy again.

 “Oh, shit, right, Soo did say something about a broken window…,” Baekhyun mumbled, looking over at said object. “Didn’t think it was that bad, though.”

 “Um, what is that?” Chanyeol asked, shakily pointing a finger at the dildo still on the floor. How he had managed to miss it whilst going inside, Kyungsoo had no idea.

 “That’s Kyungsoo’s little companion!” Baekhyun proudly said - probably because he was the one who had bought it. “Keeps him company and makes sure he doesn’t get lonely, and beat intruders up! Kinda like a boyfriend! Oh dear, wait, you were going to smash Jongin with it? Poor boy…”

 “Somebody busted my window, so of course I grabbed it as I checked!” Kyungsoo argued as he had finished cleaning up, and was throwing the used stuff away.

 “Is it… clean?” Chanyeol asked in a hushed voice, causing two people to choke and one to burst out laughing. “I’m just asking because it’s literally there, in the middle of the floor, with two dogs running around it! Pretty unsanitary, if you ask me!”

 “I don’t use it!” Kyungsoo exclaimed, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Never even once tried it! Baekhyun got me it as a gag gift, and the first thing I did was hit him with it! And the dogs don’t even like it!”

 It was true, neither Mukmool nor Hoochoo even gave the dildo a sniff, running around it, but never too close. Never once since Kyungsoo had received it had they done more than stare at it, obviously disliking it just as much as the owner did.

 Amused, Baekhyun strolled over and picked the dildo up, turning it over a few times before slapping it against the palm of his hand.

 “Yeah, seems like it would be a literal pain to take…,” Baekhyun said, trying to make his fingers connect around the thick rubber. “And Kyungsoo doesn’t exactly scream ‘size queen’, though I wouldn’t be surprised if he was.”

 “‘Size queen’?” Chanyeol echoed, a look of confusion on his face as he looked over at the frowning Kyungsoo, and the deeply blushing Jongin. He seemed to be the only one not getting it.

 “You’re pretty pure and innocent sometimes, Yeollie!” Baekhyun beamed, grinning too sweetly as he held the dildo up beside his face. “A size queen is someone who likes taking the big dicks - or dildos in this case. You’d probably make a size queen’s list…”

 “Towards the end in that case,” Jongin said out of the blue, sputtering as everyone turned to stare at him. “Uh, I mean, not like I would know anything about that at all!”

 Baekhyun turned to narrow his eyes at Chanyeol, who looked straight up scandalized.

 “What?! I’m big enough!” Chanyeol screeched, moving to undo his pants as he closed in on Jongin still seated in the chair, who looked terrified yet ready to karate chop something. “You must remember wrong, look here!”

 Kyungsoo quickly snatched the dildo from Baekhyun, and used to it to whack Chanyeol’s butt, making him jump halfway to the ceiling before scuttering behind Baekhyun.

 “No dropping of pants in my house!” Kyungsoo sternly said, aiming the dildo in Chanyeol’s direction. “Unless previously agreed upon. And I haven’t given my permission. So keep it in your pants, mister!”

 “But he insulted my manhood!” Chanyeol whined, looking so tall yet small as he was standing and peering over Baekhyun’s shoulder, bending down to be able to hide, but mostly just looking ridiculous. “I need to get my honor back!”

 “Does it look like I care about your honor?” Kyungsoo deadpanned, swinging the dildo around as he placed a hand on a cocked hip. “Baek seems pretty happy with your _manhood_ , so take it or leave it. It being my house.”

 “So mean when we’re here on a rescue mission…,” Chanyeol muttered, but stayed behind Baekhyun, straightening up and wrapping both arms loosely around the shorter’s neck.

 Noticing the light dust of pink on cheeks, Kyungsoo raised a brow, but Baekhyun only gave a small smile, looking away bashfully. It was almost strange to see his best friend so demure and shy, but it was not unwelcome. Not at all.

 A silence settled itself over the group, but before it managed to turn awkward, a low growl was heard. Eyes wide, Kyungsoo turned to stare at Jongin, who had both hands pressed against his stomach as he looked back with almost equally as large eyes. Before he could even blush, another growl was heard, then yet another, and Kyungsoo’s shock switched into disbelief as he spun to glare at the two other men.

 “You’re _all_ hungry? Really?” Kyungsoo exasperatedly said, the three others only sheepishly nodding, making him throw his hands in the air and sigh. Slamming the dildo down onto the table and accidentally making Jongin jump, Kyungsoo stomped towards his stove. “I can’t believe you make me cook for you, when it was me who suffered a deep trauma last night… Unbelievable...”

 “Nobody is making you cook for-” Chanyeol began, but before he could finish the sentence, Baekhyun had quickly wrestled him to the floor.

 “Shut up, Soo makes great food!” Baekhyun got out in hissed whispers, whilst Kyungsoo pretended not to hear them. “Having him cook for us is a _blessing_ , and we won’t ruin that, okay?”

 “O-okay,” Chanyeol squeaked, and Kyungsoo glanced over to see ears that could probably be used as marshalling wands, that was how luminously red they were.

 

~*~

 

 A while later, they were all seated around the table, Kyungsoo in between Jongin and Baekhyun, and Chanyeol next to Jongin. It was quiet except for the sound of chopsticks and clinking china, the food quickly being consumed.

 And Jongin had to admit, Baekhyun had been right about Kyungsoo’s food being a blessing bestowed upon them, because it was _delicious_! Even whilst still feeling a bit queasy after the previous night’s adventures, Jongin could not help but stuff his face.

 “That’s _my_ foot, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo suddenly muttered, and Chanyeol’s face went up in flames.

 “Sorry,” Chanyeol mumbled, staring so intently down at his food that Jongin worried it might run away, screaming in fear.

 “It’s fine, you were close, Baek knocked his foot into mine as well just a while ago,” Kyungsoo said, making Baekhyun choke on his food. “Maybe we should switch places, so you can play footsie all you want?”

 Jongin had to press his chopstick-clutching fingers against his lips to stop himself from bursting out laughing. From the few times he had met Baekhyun, Jongin had gotten the impression that he was a person with a quick wit, and from having known Chanyeol for most of his life, Jongin knew he was pretty snappy as well. So it was rather refreshing seeing the both of them flushed.

 Silence once more settled around the table, though it was a bit more strained this time around. Jongin did not mind, he was happily chewing on the amazing food, relishing in the amazing feeling of his hangover slowly but steadily receding. The pounding in his head was not nearly as bad anymore either!

 “What are you grinning about?” Chanyeol asked, looking incredulously at Jongin.

 Taking a sip of his water, Jongin put his chopsticks down and leaned back in the chair, grin widening as he swallowed the last piece of food.

 “I feel great! After last night, I thought I would be dying by now, but I don’t feel that bad!” Jongin answered, almost feeling like laughing. And when he saw Kyungsoo give him a small smile, Jongin almost did burst out into song.

 “Oh, right, why _were_ you drinking like no tomorrow?” Baekhyun asked, his chopsticks pressed against his lower lip. “All I know is that you were out with Sehun, supposed to sleep at his place, but then your drunk ass ran away, and we found out you had quite literally crashed at Soo’s place.”

 Immediately, Jongin’s happiness was dampened and replaced with embarrassment. He really had made a fool of himself.

 “Noraebang,” Chanyeol provided as Jongin sat silently and fiddled with his fingers. “Their dance crew went to the noraebang, and Jongin needs liquid courage to sing. We talked about it?”

 “I didn’t listen to the first part, I was concerned about Soo,” Baekhyun said, waving his hand dismissively. “No, don’t you dare pout, he left me a voicemail in the middle of the night, rambling about broken windows!”

 “I wasn’t rambling,” Kyungsoo muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

 “Are you gonna pout as well?” Baekhyun exasperatedly asked, looking over at Jongin. “Don’t you even _think_ -ARGH, NO! Am I the only adult here?!”

 Jongin was just happy they stopped talking about him and his horrible experiences from the day before, and if he had to pout for that to happen, he would pout, goddammit!

 “You dance?” Kyungsoo asked as he turned to Jongin, propping his cheek up on his hand, small pout having disappeared.

 Jongin was suddenly stuck in something between a pout and a surprised expression for a few seconds, before he gathered himself and cleared his throat, arranging his features into something a bit more neutral.

 “Uh, yes, it’s a hobby of mine,” Jongin explained, mentally asking himself why he had to add that last part. A ‘yes’ would have sufficed!

 For the barest of moments, Kyungsoo’s eyes seemed to drop down Jongin’s body, but it was over so quickly Jongin was not sure he had seen it or just imagined it. It was probably the latter… Wow, Jongin, way to be desperate?

 “Cool,” Kyungsoo simply said, and Jongin gave an awkward half-shrug, because really, what else was he supposed to do?

 

~*~

 

 He should have known. He should have fucking known!

 Of _course_ Jongin was a dancer! With that body, muscled yet lean, of course he was a dancer… He could have been many things, but Jongin just had to be a dancer, and Kyungsoo just had to be weak for strong thighs and sharp hips…

 “‘Cool’?” Baekhyun echoed, and from how his lips were slowly pulling into a smirk, Kyungsoo knew this would not be nice. He had to think of something - quick!

 “Do you want to be cock-slapped?” Kyungsoo asked, grabbing and lifting the dildo above his head.

 Immediately, Baekhyun sank back in his chair, throwing his hands up in defense as he screeched. “No, not the dildo! It’s painful as fuck! I’ll be nice, I promise!”

 “You better,” Kyungsoo muttered, slowly lowering the dildo again. To think that Baekhyun of all people would be afraid of big, black things…

 “You guys are so fucking weird…,” Chanyeol mumbled, staring at Kyungsoo and Baekhyun with wide eyes.

 “Wow, rude?” Jongin, of all people, sassed, before groaning. “I really hang too much with Sehun, don’t I?”

 “It wasn’t bad weird!” Chanyeol exclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest. “We’re weird, too?”

 “Yeah, I mean, I haven’t seen Soo’s dick hard, but Jongin has apparently seen yours, so…,” Baekhyun quipped, raising a single eyebrow. “I’d say you guys are weirder!”

 Kyungsoo had to purse his lips to keep from bursting out laughing, but he did glance over at Baekhyun in admiration. That boy really knew how to get back, and snap when people expected it the least.

 “Would you care sharing the story, by the way?” Baekhyun asked, switching to an overly sweet voice and blinking at _Jongin_. Kyungsoo could almost feel the jealousy oozing off of his best friend, and cannot help but wonder how deep Baekhyun had already gotten.

 Seemed that it was no longer a friendship between Baekhyun and Chanyeol…

 Surprisingly - or maybe not, Kyungsoo feels like he should stop being surprised by Jongin, because that is all the boy seems filled with - Jongin glanced over at Chanyeol, and then slapped a hand over his mouth to stop his near-hysterical laughter. Chanyeol, on the other hand, looked not too-well, and a bit murderous, to be honest. Which also surprised Kyungsoo, since the taller seemed like a pretty gentle person.

 “Seems like this is an interesting story, please do share with the class,” Kyungsoo coaxed Jongin, moving a tiny bit closer to the still-laughing boy.

 “Gimme a moment,” Jongin cutely said, voice all breathless, and Kyungsoo could not help but feel a bit breathless himself at Jongin’s red and scrunched-up face, because he just looked so _adorable_. Yet another weakness…

 “Would you kill me if I strangle Jongin now?” Chanyeol asked, voice almost a whine.

 “Yes, I’d beat you to death with the dildo,” Kyungsoo answered, turning to pin Chanyeol with a stare, making the other sink back before plopping his face down on the table.

 “Okay, so, this happened years ago,” Jongin began as he got up and slipped his legs beneath him, sitting on his knees and almost giving Kyungsoo a heart attack from how cute he looked. And also from the images that suddenly popped into Kyungsoo’s mind, but he tried to pretend they did not exist. Failing, of course. “We were teenagers, and I walked into his room to find him on his bed in nothing but a shirt, hard dick in one hand and the _tiniest_ ruler ever in his other hand! And I just stand there, frozen, my hand still on the handle, _staring_ , because what else am I supposed to do? I’m still so shocked! And he- _oh my god_ , he just looked back at me, _completely_ straight-faced, I guess he panicked or something-”

 By the end of his little recollection, Jongin was wheezing, tears flowing down his face as he tried to get his breathing under control. Chanyeol was still face-down on the table, but Kyungsoo had heard a few whimpers, and he saw how the hands fisted in his hair, feeling a bit bad for the big guy. Baekhyun was trying to hold his snickers back with a hand, but Kyungsoo could still hear them, though it was doubtful if Chanyeol could, what with his suffering and all that probably being rather loud.

 “A-and then he offers me the ruler, to measure m-myself,” Jongin finished, clutching his stomach with a half-pained grimace on his face.

 “Did you?” Kyungsoo and Baekhyun asked in a choir, and the surprise made Jongin choke and topple over. Immediately, the dogs were by his side, licking at his face and making his recovery even harder.

 “He ran out of my house and refused to answer my calls for like a week,” came from Chanyeol, still with his face pressed against table. “Sehun used to joke that was when Jongin discovered his gay side…”

 Kyungsoo’s dick was suddenly very interested in the discussion, and the previous images bloomed back in full color in his mind as he looked down at the slightly screeching dog-pile on the floor. Baekhyun was full out laughing by now, apparently very entertained by the anecdote.

 “Wow, that’s amazing… Discovering your love for dick after seeing your best friend’s, that must have been traumatic…,” Baekhyun said as he began to calm down, quickly adding a, “Not that your dick isn’t pretty, Yeol, but you know what I mean!”

 Chanyeol seemed to feel a bit better about the whole situation by the sort-of compliment, as he perked up to give Baekhyun a shy grin, but Kyungsoo only saw that out of the corner of his eye, as he was still looking at Jongin, who had now curled up into a ball on the floor, Mukmool by his head and Hoochoo in the small space behind his legs.

 “Ugh, I feel like puking again…,” Jongin whined, and Kyungsoo’s eyes widened as he whipped into action, procuring a bowl and placing it near Jongin’s head.

 “Please don’t puke on my floor, I really don’t feel like cleaning up after you again,” Kyungsoo pleaded.

 Jongin was lying with his eyes screwed shut, lips forming an ‘o’ at every exhale in a clear attempt to calm himself down, and Kyungsoo felt like reaching out and dragging his fingers through that soft-looking hair. But that would be stepping over boundaries, and Kyungsoo should not do that, especially not with witnesses still present.

 Kyungsoo chanced a quick glance up at Baekhyun, who was sitting watching them, quirking an eyebrow as he caught Kyungsoo’s gaze. Kyungsoo hoped he did not look too desperate or whatever, but it was obvious he did as Baekhyun sighed and got up from his seat.

 “Anyways, everything seems chill here, guess you don’t need us anymore. The intruder is awake and known, there’s no danger, _or well, that can be argued_ , so we’re going now,” Baekhyun said, motioning for Chanyeol to follow him. The taller seemed a bit confused, but did as asked. “I’m staying at Chanyeol’s place tonight, too, so… Might be hard to reach yet again?”

 “If I call you three times in a row, pick up the damn phone,” Kyungsoo said, glaring at his best friend who just waved at him.

 “Get some rest, Jonginnie, it was great seeing you again! And let Sehun know you’re alright, he’s been worried sick,” Baekhyun said, giving a sweet smile as he slipped on his shoes, then headed out. “Toodeloo, my dearies, don’t forget to use protection!”

 And then, just like that, Baekhyun was gone, the door slamming shut behind him and Chanyeol. Kyungsoo was sputtering and Jongin looked more sick again, and both men blushed profusely as they accidentally locked gazes.

 “I’ll be in the bathroom so I don’t risk your floors,” Jongin croaked, stumbling up and away, leaving Kyungsoo sitting awkwardly on his kitchen floor and staring at his dogs left behind, and the bowl.

 “I swear, one day I’ll kill Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo solemnly promised his dogs, who both just tilted their heads at him. They knew how weak Kyungsoo was for Baekhyun, and that he would never kill him.

 

~*~

 

 Jongin was staring at his reflection, giving himself a pep talk.

 Why?

 Because he could not cower in Kyungsoo’s bathroom for the rest of his life. He had to go out at one point, and he should soon.

 After having spent the first ten minutes weeping into his knees over Baekhyun’s direct words, Jongin had easily, without really meaning to, slipped into deep thought. More precisely, deep thoughts about Kyungsoo.

 Ever since he had first laid his eyes on the short, bespectacled man, Jongin had felt attracted to him. And the more he had gotten to know him, the more Jongin had… Not fallen, it was way too early for that, but _something_. Jongin wanted to be Kyungsoo’s friend, and possibly something more.

 Something more that required the use of protection, and Jongin lowkey hated Baekhyun for the very indecent proposal - but Jongin’s dick was very much on board with it.

 Jongin lowkey hated his dick at times as well.

 

~*~

 

 Kyungsoo was close to heading over to the bathroom and checking if Jongin was okay, when the door suddenly opened to let the other out.

 Kyungsoo had moved to the sofa by now, a little bit cold in the fresh air entering through the window, but at the same time appreciating it. It helped keep his mind clear and his blood cool. The TV was another security measure, giving Kyungsoo something to focus on when his thoughts started to wander.

 Slowly, Jongin shuffled over, and Kyungsoo looked up to give him a smile when the other was standing and hovering by the armrest.

 “Feeling better now?” Kyungsoo asked, receiving a timid nod in response. “That’s good. You can sit down if you want to, you’re probably pretty tired, right?”

 Jongin sneaked closer, sitting down by the edge and almost looking as if he was clinging to the armrest. The adorable pose had Kyungsoo chuckling under his breath, but it also made him feel like a bad person - on puppy-kicking level. Was he really so terrifying that Jongin did not dare be close to him? Did Jongin think Kyungsoo would jump him? Well, Kyungsoo _wanted_ to jump him, but he would never do it randomly, just out of the blue!

 Kyungsoo almost jumped into the air as Jongin cleared his voice, clamping down all of his muscles to stay in place and not show how scared he had been.

 “I’m, uh, I’m sorry about your window… I really didn’t mean to, and I’ll repay you for it…,” Jongin said in such a soft voice that Kyungsoo could barely make the words out.

 “It’s fine, you can repay me in kind with your body instead,” Kyungsoo said, the incredibly bad joke just slipping out on its own, and he really needed to stop hanging out with Baekhyun. “Oh my god, I am _so_ sorry! I didn’t- I mean I _did_ \- but- I- sorry!”

 But Jongin was not running away, screaming - Jongin was sitting still, chewing on his lower lip as his fingers were playing with the edge of his sleeve, the sleeve of _Kyungsoo’s_ hoodie. There was a light tint of pink on his cheeks, but also a small smile on his lips, and Kyungsoo was confused and maybe a tiny bit hopeful.

 “A shame you don’t mean it, I would’ve said yes,” Jongin mumbled, and Kyungsoo forgot how to breathe.

 “But… You’re _hungover_!” Kyungsoo managed to get out, earning himself an eye roll.

 “I didn’t mean for you to bend me over the couch and fuck me at this very moment, stupid,” Jongin said, and Kyungsoo (tried to) ignored the twitching in his pants. “Actually I’m not very into the whole ‘one-night stand’ thing, so I’d ask you out on a date first and then… Let you bend me over whatever.”

 “Wow… You’re pretty perfect, aren’t you?” Kyungsoo said, wonder and admiration in his voice, and the beaming grin he got in return could rival the sun in brightness.

 

~*~

 

 “Oh, _god_ ,” Jongin whimpered, eyes rolling back.

 “ _Doh_ god, actually,” Kyungsoo snickered darkly, too proud of his pun.

 “I hate you,” Jongin bit out, but the needy moan falling from his lips next minimized the effect of his words. “Fuck, I should’ve let you do this ages ago!”

 Jongin and Kyungsoo had just been out on their first date; a standard dinner with a movie after. Only, it had not been so standard, considering how frisky they had gotten in the back row of the dark cinema. And after Jongin had torn a broken moan from Kyungsoo’s lips, they had quickly hobbled out of there, rushing back to Kyungsoo’s place.

 And now, here they were, Jongin pushed up against Kyungsoo’s bedroom door, Kyungsoo on his knees and with his lips wrapped around Jongin.

 “Shit, how do you look so cute with your lips around my dick?” Jongin growled, back arching as Kyungsoo pushed further down and chuckled around him, before pulling back.

 “Talent, pure talent,” Kyungsoo purred, smirking as he began to slowly stroke Jongin.

 “Well, we should move to the bed before your _talent_ makes my knees too weak to hold me up,” Jongin panted out, whining as Kyungsoo let go of him and stood up.

 “Sounds good, then I can show you what I _really_ can do,” Kyungsoo hummed, pulling Jongin close and letting his fingers wander down Jongin’s behind, one fingertip ghosting over his pucker.

 “ _Oh my god yes!_ ” Jongin squeaked against Kyungsoo’s lips, hands gripping at shoulders.

 And when Jongin was sprawled naked on the bed and Kyungsoo attacked from both the front and the back, Jongin screamed himself hoarse...

**Author's Note:**

> Uuuuh, yeah, this was a mess and a half... But still fun to write! Stumbled upon the prompt whilst bored a long time ago (like a month), and the story kind of wrote itself in my head, but then I had other things to worry about, but... Now I finally had the time (and inspiration) to finish this, so yay! Hope you somewhat enjoyed this, please leave comments and/or kudos, love y'all, bye :')  
> Aaaaalso shoutout to the best Minty_Pixie, my go-to for the nasties, who helped me with great inspiration for stuff, and mostly the "akward ChanKai boner-situation" or whatever you want to call it... I asked her for help, and she brought it in better ways than I could have ever imagined :')


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